The Sayer and the Namer

It'll feel like it should

And they're all still around

And you're still safe and sound

And you don't miss a thing

Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark

Oh, John, you know how to cut to the core of me. In all seriousness, these lyrics make me cry almost every time I hear them, which is often, because I'm obsessed with John Mayer's music. Ok, who am I kidding, I'm obsessed with all things John Mayer.

Anyway, I think this makes me cry when I hear it because it's such a poignant and melancholy metaphor of how deeply we love our families, yet with that love comes a certain feeling of foreboding. This feeling is magnified when you don't live near your family. I cried every time I left my parents house for about 3 years after leaving for college. Poor Justin knew it was coming and did his best to make it better each time it was leaving day. You're forced to recognize that family is home, but family is not forever. The comfort of "everyone together" is fleeting and precious. Having lost two grandparents in the last 6 months, I realize how safe it is knowing you have grandparents. Knowing there is a place that exemplifies unconditional love. Knowing there are four people in the world outside of your parents who are rooting for you no matter what. I was blessed with the best 4 grandparents known to man. 

Shosh and Pops were the connoisseurs of the backyard barbecue, owners of the world's greatest screened in back porch, workers in an immaculately groomed back yard, bakers of bread and noodles, chefs of french toast and peanut butter and honey sandwiches (Shosh would write my name in honey on the bread...sometimes I still do it!), and parents to 4 kids who adored them. There was always laughter at Shosh & Pops' house. Always. Even if someone was getting in trouble (Adam's dog with the purple tongue, I got my mouth washed out with soap the first time there, and I could hear Shosh & Mom laughing as I was in the bathroom). I always felt fancy at Shosh's house. I wore her robes, brushed my hair with her brush, painted my nails w/ her. I have some of my favorite memories with Morgan and Adam there. Lots of funny, quirky moments, big celebrations, fun holiday gatherings, quiet and simple summer afternoons. It was a beautiful house full of love and memories, and I'll always miss it. 

Grandpa & Grandma Holliday were owners of a child's paradise. A big, old house out in the country where kids were no longer burdened by the tedious rules of adults. Aunts, Uncles, and cousins abounded. There was never a dull moment. Horseshoe and croquet tournaments sometimes got a little heated. An endless supply of Wintergreen Lifesavers. The river and the old bridge was an endless source of entertainment. The infinitely proud grandpa who would boast for hours on his family. The grandma who would quietly agree, but was never the center of attention. The kitchen was packed with people, the food was always available. Imagination and make-believe abounded for the grandkids. Laughter and storytelling abounded for the adults. Almost all of my memories of the Holliday grandparents involved LOUD talking. It was always loud and buzzing with activity. The Holliday family was also full of love. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents always made me feel like the world's most successful and interesting person. Another corner in the world where comfort and love lived that cannot ever be replicated. 

I would love to go back to where "it'll feel like it should, and they're all still around, and you're still safe and sound," but I can't. The only thing to do is to try my best to recreate their love for future generations. Love my parents, love my siblings, love my extended families and their extended families. Love my husband's family with the same ferocity that my aunts/uncles-in-law love me. Stay connected. Stay interested. Stay family, not a bunch of people who happen to share some DNA. I'm definitely not perfect at this, not even close, but I recognize that I need to work harder at it. 

Well, enough soul-bearing for one day. Talk about a schizophrenic blog - you never know what you're gonna get here, folks. I'm sure I have a grand total of 2 readers by this point, so have a good day, you two! (probably Mom and Justin)