Rip Van Winkle
I've been asleep for a while now. Not 100 years, thankfully, but for about 1. I say asleep because I obviously haven't been dead (thank God), but I haven't really been living either. I've been living, but not LIVING. You know the difference. I've been asleep because I've made myself insignificant. I've made myself small. I've made myself believe all of the self doubt that comes with not making myself a priority. It's sad, really, but there's good news in this nasty beginning of a blog post. This morning, I woke up. Honestly, it was as simple and profound as that. I was literally and figuratively asleep, and today I just opened my eyes. I was back. I don't know where I went, but I realized this morning at 5:00 am (which, most of you know, I only see one 5:00 in any given day, so that's a work of God in itself) that I have been asleep. There's been a fog around me. A dullness about my senses, and it's been lifted. This is certainly not something that I did for myself, it's one of those realizations that can only come from God.Who am I serving by making myself insignificant? Who is my God when I believe the deceitful, deconstructive phrases, "I can't do that" "I'm not good enough" or "I don't really care." I'm serving negativity. My God is the nasty side of myself. Really? REALLY?????? How utterly lame of me. The truth is that I can do it. I am good enough. I do care. God does care. I've been created in His image, and I've spent a year squandering it away. Well, I'm done.
It's a funny thing when a piece of information travels from your head to your heart. All of these things I have "known" for a long time. Today, however, I don't just know it, I believe it. I wish I could tell you how that occured, but I can't. So there it is. Public. On the World Wide Web. That's kinda scary, but now that it's out there, I have to do something about it!
posted by Erin @ 8:11 AM
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