The Sayer and the Namer

Grandpa.

My grandpa died this morning. He has been sick with cancer for a several years, so we knew it was coming, but somehow it didn't soften the blow. What is it about death that leaves an indescribable ache in your heart? Nothing feels like death of a loved one feels. There are lots of painful things in this world, yet death is a whole separate kind of pain. All of the human knowledge and forethought in the world can't take away the sting. I know that he has been dying for years. I know that he was suffering. I know that he was a believer and is now in heaven, free from pain. I know all of these things, and while those facts add up to significant cause for gladness on his part, any relief I should have is covered up by sadness. Sad that I won't see him again in this life. Sad that my grandma is alone. Sad about the unknown thing that is death. Sad for my Dad and Aunts and Uncles. Sad to go to one of my favorite places on earth and see his chair empty. Just plain stinging-in-my-heart sad. I know its selfish, but isn't that what grieving is all about?

posted by Erin @ 1:23 PM