The Sayer and the Namer

Hah! Did you like my shameless attempt to entice you to read because of a juicy title? That was my intention, anyway. Are you wondering who's coming out of the closet, and which closet? Good, that was my plan. Muahaha :)

Well, I am coming out of the "superhero" closet. That's right, folks, I have a superhero ability. I discovered it a few weeks ago, and I am finally brave enough to go public with it. I can.....injure myself while sleeping!!! That's right, how heroic is that?!?!?! Sure, some superheroes can fly, or have super speed, or can do other cool things, but the ability to injure yourself when you sleep, (or "sleep mutilation" as those of us in the hero community call it) can be really beneficial in certain situations. Say you're in high school and you want to miss gym class? SuperSleep time! Or say you're fed up with work, and you'd like to get some sick leave? Superhero Erin to the rescue!

I discovered my super ability when I injured my shoulder while sleeping. Apparently I sleep with my left arm above my head, and it's torn a weak spot in my muscle. It hurts, I have to take medicine, and I have to go to Physical Therapy for it. Go Go, Super Powers! Unfortunately for me, this is the 2nd time I have injured my shoulder sleeping. When I was younger, I broke my collar bone because I fell out of bed. My parents or I should have recognized the super skill it takes to accomplish a broken bone while sleeping, and it would have saved me a lifetime of denial concerning my super sleep. Sometimes the price heroes have to pay for their abilities is steep, and for me, that price includes Physical Therapy and a stupid new "ergonomically correct" pillow. Oh, the sacrifices we make for heroic greatness.

So, my friends, I shall try to use my new found heroism for the greater good. Please, next time you see me, try not to treat me any differently. Really, we're more alike than we are different. Except for my awesome new ability, I'm just an average person. I know that there are a lot of people out there seething with jealousy, wishing "I wish I could injure myself while sleeping," and to those of you out there, I say be patient. You never know when you might be bestowed a superhero power of your own. Until then, keep sleeping safely!